Ain't shuffle on your itouch/mp3 player great?
It delights in throwing up curve balls of songs you haven’t heard in years.
The other day I was driving along and on popped “Gathering Dust” by David Gray and suddenly I was back in my early twenties.
That song evoked memories of years and months of sinking deeper and deeper into myself, darkness and depression. Having just fallen out of one relationship which meant the world to me at the time that ended painfully sadly and falling into a relationship that was so toxic it should have come with a severe health warning. A relationship where I valued myself so little that I spent the guts of 3-4 years feeling unimportant, insecure, unloved, unwanted, being cheated on and feeling deeply depressed. I cried away most nights after bitter disappointments caused by a “man” who had no concept of a relationship or caring for another human being. I take responsibility for my actions, I was stupid for letting myself get so low that I felt I deserved this bullshit but do you know what I wish I could tell that me hold on you’ll get there. Cause at times it really was hard to hold on. Just as I thought my world was shrinking to a black hole, I didn’t know it was the storm before the calm.
I finally got the balls, the mindset to say, do you know what fuck you and your bullshit and I walked away much to his amazement and mine to be honest and set out to be single for YEARS. Think I lasted a few weeks. Little did I know where receiving a simple short message on MySpace about my favourite cartoon as a child “Mysterious Cities of Gold” would lead but 6 years later I hear that song now and I hear the old me weeping and I tell her; be calm be still……….wait.
