Anyone who's read my zine in the past would have seen me mention my family from time to time.
I spoke about their love, kindness and support but recently I've been thinking about my relationship with my brother, Ed.
Did you ever have one of those funny moments that may seem inconsequential and unimportant but when you look back on them you realise that they were important. Simple little things can mean so much. I remember being in hospital at Christmas I was 15 so Ed would have been 13. It being Christmas he'd just got a brand new Gameboy. It was his pride and joy. I rememeber I'd just come off morphine and was bored out of my head. Ed, mom and dad came to see me and I managed to have a go of the Gameboy. When they were getting up to leave Ed came over and handed it to me. At the time I remember thinking how sweet it was and how much I must of scared the poor little bugger. I can't even remember if I took it of not, you'd have to ask him but the fact he'd been waiting for it for so long and was willing to give it to me really touches me. I love my lil bro and yet I've always been jealous of him in a way Doesn't that sound awful? I'm not saying he has the perfect life or that he got more love than me. Not at all. But jealous of his travels, his ability to get up on a whim and travel to anywhere, sleep on someones couch. His seemly endless list of friends when I feel I spend so much time alone. He's had his problems like anyone but I was always jealous that he got to have a teenagedom when I felt I didn't, got to move to Dublin when I couldn't. And yet I don't begrudge him anything so maybe jealous isnt the word and I dont know what is.
I love him with all my heart and wish we had more time to just hang out and chat like we used to.
We killed each other as kids half the time but sure isn't that normal. I remember him biting himself and managing to persuaðe my mom I'd done it! Little bugger! He only told her the truth a couple of christmases ago. I remember the time he spit in my friggin eye! In fairness I was chasing him to beat his ass but he locked himself in the garage which had an old front door as the door and I opened the letter flap thingy to threaten him whereupon he promptly spit in my eye! Rage!!!
But then again there were the 2&3 day long games of Monopoly, the persuading mom to let us walk to the village a whole mile away and reretting it half way there cause we were exhausted, but we had to keep going, coudlnt lose face! The epic games of hide and seek with the neighbours and so many laughs and giggles over the years. And when I was at my lowest ebb I moaned in his ear and hung out with him in town every Saturday nearly. Lol sorry Ed.
Love ya.
