Darkrose

Darkrose

Sunday, March 19, 2023

The Girl

 The girl

She dreams of the places she would have loved to visit,
Sights she’s always wanted to see, feel, smell, experience.
She dreams of a carefree young adulthood where love and adventure were foremost in life. 
She dreams of a life more lived than survived. 
All the while there is a room within her,
The door firmly locked, curtains drawn, 
It is dark, so dark you can barely see your hand in front of you. 
And it heaves, seethes with anger, rage, grief and sadness. 
All locked away for the weight of it would crush her to nothing. 
Every time she’s told to be grateful for the things she has survived she is in part. 
But a tiny wisp escapes through the keyhole of the room. 
Washing over her in anger and rage turning to grief and sadness. 
For a life full of adventure left unexplored,
For the promise of youth broken,
For the opportunities taken. 
Mostly she dreams of pain and hospitals, of anxiety  and loss, of claustrophobia and the dark. 
But sometimes she dreams……

Kayt 2023

Friday, November 11, 2022

In Absence

 

In the absence of me
I can imagine their lives,
Free of the burden I bring
Free from worrying of what new problems are arising,
And how I will cope with yet more to carry.
I see the love in their eyes, their thoughtful worlds of encouragement at the simplest triumphs and it hurts
Everytime it hurts, though I feel the joy mine and theirs.

It hurts because I know,
And I want,
But it’s not for me
And I dont know why


Kayt

11-11-22

Friday, December 10, 2021

Creeping

  

Creeping inside my skull

Long tendrils of bitter cold

Sliding down my spine

Slowly moving along each vertebra

wrapping around over stimulated nerves

Worming it’s way into my chest

Sadness unspeakable unfathomable

irreverent of the daily fight

against the tide of melancholy most insistent

Breathe in the roses

Blow out the candle

There is only onwards.

Kayt

Thursday, March 21, 2019

A dream "poem"

I am on a medication that gives me quite vivid dreams, one of which has become a 70k word short story that I still have to finish writing but the other night I dreamt I was at Top of The Pops watching Annie Lennox sing and this is what she was singing. Ive been watching alot of star trek on netflic....I think that explains some of it. :)

The wine the mirror and me
Reflecting back only perfection 
Flaws hiding among the the distortions of time
Between us 
A singularity of black space. 
Gravity pulling
Dense as osmium
Let’s swirl around each other
Forever.

Saturday, November 24, 2018

The storm

The rain falls down upon me, soaking me through,
Feels like drowning.
Dark clouds swirl overhead.
As those around me walk passed in the dry
Not seeing the water cascade over and around me.
Not seeing passed the crooked smile and agonised eyes.
Look closer,
Throw out your hand.
See me.

Sunday, May 20, 2018

Sometimes

Sometimes words have teeth and sometimes the silence is too loud,
Is it better to be in the stillness or the blizzard?
Alone, untethered
Floating into the abyss
Unnoticed.
Gone

Saturday, July 22, 2017

Jupiter

I fall asleep listening to the sounds of Jupiter 
The swirling ethereal winds surround me 
Sing to me a soft tune,
Wrap me in peaceful quiet in my head.
I envisage myself on the gassy surface floating, looking up
Into that swirling mess of the red spinning spot  
Beyond so many moons shine. 
My body heavy dragged down into the bed
Relaxing, giving in for once.
And sleep comes. 

Abyss

When your heart lies heavy in your chest
Swinging from a string tied to your throat
Shrunken and pendulous 
Too heavy for its size
Leaden
When that string pulls with every breath
Tightening in your throat hard to swallow  
Sending forth a quiet choked sob from your lips
Bite it down
Bleeding 
When your eyes stare into a void
Never-ending nothingness 
Saltwater builds and blurs 
Steaming down your face
Falling 
When your head throbs and swirls
With memories you'd rather forget
Thoughts your rather not have
Reminders of what you lose
Sinking
Where do you go? 
What do you cling to?
What's left? 
Abyss

Monday, May 22, 2017

Smoke and Mirrors.

Faces in the pavement
Whisper, you can't go back
Hurt can't be undone
Secrets can't be unknown. 
A thief has stolen my light
Scurried it away while my back was turned
Distracted by what I thought was real 
Smoke and mirrors. 

Thursday, May 4, 2017

Untitled.

A hammer to my chest,
Knocking feelings from my grasp. 
Words once said can't be returned; 
They flit around like moths in the darkness
Waiting for the tiniest crack of light to swarm. 
How to move when you can't see,
Feeling blindly in the black,
For a way, a hand hold.